New Years Resolutions
New Year, new me, I guess. I've never really made New Year's resolutions, only ever for the sake of it, and this year was no different. But you don’t need a new year to make a change. Probably half of the population abandons their New Year's resolutions just a week into the year. Regardless of the supposed 'importance' of New Year's resolutions, I believe I've turned a new leaf. Wow, good for me. Well, I guess this is my diary, which for some reason I’ve turned into a blog. I thought it would be interesting to see how many people would read my stuff, if anyone.
Regardless, back to the point, 'I have turned a new leaf.' No, I have not turned to God, but I am agnostic. If I really think about it, I do believe in a higher power to some extent. However, I do not subscribe to the common religions like Christianity, Islam, Catholicism, or any of those. But that is a story for another time.
I think I’ve truly found a sense of direction for my life. However, half the time when I tell people about something I’m doing, I end up quitting. But I think it'll be different now since I’m shrouded in anonymity.
This sense of direction was not inspired by the most hopeful of factors, but because I tanked my GPA last semester. It was a wakeup call. I have been living life on autopilot, not taking life too seriously, and very mellow, just taking life with its highs and lows. Before, I would say it was due to burnout, but honestly, that’s an excuse. I was being lazy and chalked it up to COVID. School after COVID was somewhat of a joke, being ten times easier and more relaxed. I lacked focus or drive, to say the least, and I enjoyed it. I practically quit swimming and didn't really pay much attention to my grades. They were fine but not to the extent I could have achieved. I was naive, always have been since I was born and still am.
I chose the easy and mellow life, one because it was easy, but also because I thought what I wanted in life would eventually appear as the mist cleared with age. I have realized now that was foolish. I mean, I still think living your life peacefully and letting things happen will always eventually lead to satisfaction. But not because you are proud, but because over time your goals will shift lower and lower until you are satisfied with where you are.
As y’all know, I’m the youngest, and I live a fairly lenient life now. I guess I realized that life won’t just figure itself out for you. This realization was mainly obscured by my own naivety, spurred on by family friends. Being the youngest, whenever someone asked me, 'How’s school? What do you want to do?' I always responded, 'It’s good, I’m taking life fairly easy so I don’t know.' They say, 'Oh, that’s good.' To which, I do agree, you don’t need to have life all figured out. But now I have realized that although you don’t need life all figured out, you can’t just take life as it comes. You can’t live life on easy mode; you have to take command and control what you have in front of you. My parents and our family friends didn’t just let life pass them by; they took life for what it's worth, not stepping timidly, but planting their foot with every step. If you want to live life mellow and chill, that’s fine, but through my unfortunate circumstances, I've realized that's not what I want.
I still don’t know what I fully want, but I do know that to get where I feel I want to be, I have to start taking life seriously. I have started to finally go to office hours, read consistently every morning, wake up early, and stay on top of my school work. And I have faith in myself that I can and will do what I need to do to be fulfilled and happy with myself. Not just to make my parents proud, though that's a benefit, but to have the life I want and to open as many doors as I can to reach it. That still does not mean I’m not going to have fun. After all, I’m in college.