Content

Well, I was planning on writing something every week; however, as you can see, that did not happen, maybe in the future. As classes wind down and the ever-looming finals week inches closer. I’m just trying to figure out how to find a point where I can give consistent effort instead of fizzling out. 

With the addictive nature of Instagram reels, TikTok, or whatever platform you use, you soon come across a motivational video, be it a quote from a movie, a speech, a book, or just one made up. They simultaneously make you realize the deeper meanings in your childhood movies while propelling you to a new sense of purpose. However, like a candle, the newfound sense of purpose from these videos soon burns out. 

Of course, online apps aren’t the only places to find motivation, be it from friends, family, music, the proper study spot, or whatever you find that motivates you; for me, the newfound motivation fizzles out. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t listen to them to ignite the fire, even if it’s for a temporary amount of time. In my endless pursuit to find different wells to draw motivation to study, continuously lift every day, and be my best, I have found none lasts. Every well runs out. 

In my relentless pursuit of a perpetual spark, I've learned it might not exist, and that's okay; the most significant blaze is the one that kindles within us. Every fire eventually burns out, and yours will, too, extinguished in life’s finality. No one will live your life, and not one human or animal will walk with you step by step. Your parents may want to, but in the end, you have to decide for yourself what you want. A friend once told me, “Happiness is fleeting; content is permanent.” That stuck with me; I have been so caught up searching for that piece of happiness daily: one more reel, one more YouTube video, and one more night out. However, I have never felt satisfied or happy. However, I am not saying don’t watch YouTube or don’t have fun; have fun live in the moment. But I have also realized that undeserved happiness leads to evermore sadness. 

This year marks a significant shift from the last; it's been a journey of expanding my social horizons, engaging in a wider array of activities, forging new connections, and deepening existing friendships. Yet, this expansion has not come without its challenges. Amidst these highs, I've also encountered moments of profound lows, more intense than any I experienced in the previous year. My pursuit of the 'college experience' and its fleeting joys has led me to neglect more crucial aspects of my life, things like my academic responsibilities and future career opportunities. It’s not that I haven’t had the time, but I have been so focused on latching on to the ever-fleeing sense of happiness that time flies quicker than ever. Having been fortunate enough to travel the world and encounter diverse cultures — seeing people in places who would do anything to be in my place — I often feel as though I'm squandering these opportunities - complaining about trivial matters and chasing my tail in a circle pursuing fleeting emotions. Often, I fall into the habit of comparing myself to others, seeking comfort and indulging in self-deprecation as a way to cope with my own position and feelings. Leading me to a troubling blindness: the only person I truly harm through this is myself. Once you realize that the only people that matter are your friends and family, you can take the first step away from finding a finish line that isn’t there and a step towards finding contentment.

It’s okay to seek happiness, but when it becomes your only goal, as in my case, it often leads to more disappointment than joy. For the past month, I have been trying to regain a good routine, focusing on myself, finding my path, and thinking about the quote, 'Don’t waste your time chasing butterflies. Mend your garden, and the butterflies will come.' Working towards stable growth, I'm learning that contentment, unlike fleeting happiness, endures, best put, 'Happiness is fleeting; contentment is permanent.'